remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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