I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
