i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
