Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
