Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
