i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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