I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
