I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
