i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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