You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
