she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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