Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
