Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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