sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
