So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
operation harelip BJ is a go
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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