Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
