She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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