If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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