Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
