we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize