You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
