ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
