help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
