Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
