So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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