Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
