addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
