Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize