I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
