I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
