I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
