it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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