I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
