and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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