i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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