i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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