Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
