quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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