I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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