Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize