you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
