after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
