I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
