I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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