i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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