I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize