She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
