call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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