I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize