Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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