so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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