Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Less talking, more tequila
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
