So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
