I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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