so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
