I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
