Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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