So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
