I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
