Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize