All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
