No stitches, just platelets and will power
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
