I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My ATM looks so different sober.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
