An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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