3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
