And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize