My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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