So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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