Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
