you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
