What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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