well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
