sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
