I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
