The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
