Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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