Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
