And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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