She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
