New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
