i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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