Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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