i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
