I hate all girls vehemently.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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