Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
