Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
