she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize