she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
