Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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