dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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