Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
