I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
