We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
