Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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